I don't want to forget the past nine months and especially the past few days. I don't want to forget all we've experienced, what God has done, and how incredibly blessed we are. I don't want to take any of it for granted. My mom and sister are out running around and Nate's outside mowing the grass before the thunderstorms come and I'm in here talking to God, marveling at His love for us while our dear son Benson sleeps soundly in the next room.
I can remember the day we found out we were pregnant like it was yesterday. I remember KNOWING in my heart that I was pregnant, crying through church, asking Nate (who does not like shopping on Sundays) to go to Walmart on the way home to get a pregnancy test. Going through the self-checkout line because I was embarassed to go through anyone's line. (Why I don't know...) Accidentally buying an ovulation kit instead of a pregnancy test (uh, that's not the question here...), having to "void" the transaction, get the right test, getting stopped at the door because the alarm went off (don't worry, we had paid). So much for trying to be discreet. God makes me laugh sometimes. I giggled on the way to our car. I remembe feeling nervous that I was pregnant and scared that I wasn't. It was a weird and emotional day for me. Knowing if I was pregnant, there was much I would have to give up. Knowing if I wasn't pregnant, I would be so sad. We went home, took a deep breath, took the test and within seconds, not minutes, the result said, "pregnant". We cried. Mostly because we were scared. Were we ready for this? Then Nate had me take another one :) Then we really cried because I was. We planned all along to let God plan our family, to kind of try to not get pregnant right away, but ultimately trust Him for the timing of our family. We KNEW this baby was from God and we knew He planned THIS TIME for THIS CHILD. But we also knew it meant a lot of sacrifice. For me specifically, it meant giving up quite a bit of "independence" and the life I lived traveling with Global Disciples. But today, that day seems so silly to me. I have gained so much more. I cried a lot that day for Nate. This baby would mean a lot of sacrifice and hard work for him, too. We spent a lot of that day just hugging each other and crying. We felt so blessed, though, to be able to have this baby.
We waited until Christmas-time to tell family of our news as we wanted it to be a gift of sorts to them. But a couple of days before Christmas, I started bleeding some. We had already told my mom and decided to wait to tell Nate's family just in case something was happening to our baby. We prayed and cried out to God for the life of our child and found peace in trusting Him with His life. We believed God even when it was hard to. Finally, a couple of VERY LONG weeks later, we got to have our first doctor appointment and the blood tests confirmed increasing levels of pregnancy hormone in my system and the ultrasound showed a squirming, strong heart beating little blessing. I was ecstatic. The journey was on. We were going to have a baby. We kept praying, believing God, and I traveled with work on a five country tour. It was amazing. It was the hardest trip I've done by far. But I was so glad. The entire trip, I prayed God's heart for the nations into our son and so did Nate. We believed and still do, that the trip we went on would be the beginning of our child's growing in God's heart for the lost. I can't wait to see what God does!
It was on that trip that we decided on his name - before we knew it was a "him". We had looked briefly at name websites before my trip, which was stressful to me, and I asked Nate if we could wait until I came home. I didn't know at the time that his name would be given to us on the trip. We wanted a name that ended in an "N" because we think those names sound good with Hoover. I also wanted something that sounded good with Scott because that's Nate's middle name. And of course, we wanted something that meant something and could be tied to God. So when Benson, the Desert Boy, placed his hand on my belly and said, "you're carrying my namesake", the thought was intriguing to me. Here I was on this trip, asking God to give our child a heart for the nations, and a missionary who has planted over 95 churches in a previously unreached people group who has single-handedly challenged me more than anyone I've met says I am carrying his namesake. The entire trip, people were praying for me, for our baby and they would pray for "him" and tell me that they really sensed it was a boy, not just praying for a baby in a gender neutral "him" sort of way. Nate and I thought so, too...
Fast forward a couple more weeks to our first ultrasound, and they told us everything looks good, EXCEPT he has a two-vessel cord. I wasn't sure what that meant entirely, but they told us it could be a marker for genetic or chromosomal disorders or it could mean that he wouldn't grow sufficiently, or that nothing would be wrong and he would be just fine. Nate and I kept telling ourselves that for how many centuries babies have probably been born just fine with two vessel cords and no one knew it until they were born. But even in the trusting of God's plan, we still wrestled with fear. Me probably more than Nate, to be honest. He was SO STEADFAST through the entire pregnancy. It was amazing. I learned through research, that one vessel of the umbilical cord usually disintegrates during the 5th or 6th week of gestation and that sometimes, bleeding occurs. This would have been the exact timing of our scare around Christmas-time. I thought that was very interesting.
We prayed, we hoped, we believed, and yes, we are human, we feared something would be wrong with our baby. My mom's first pregnancy was a trisomy 18 baby who died when she was 8 days old. So in my mind, that thought was always creeping, ready to rob me of joy. But God is bigger and continued to pour peace into my heart. So many people prayed with us for our baby, believing for us when it was hard to believe ourselves. I remember my friend Allison telling me after I called her as I was leaving a scary doctor's appointment that she just didn't fear at all for our baby. I held that. I remembered that surety she had and it helped on days when I would wrestle.
We found out our baby was a boy and we smiled. We hadn't looked at any girls names and that was okay, because our little Benson was already named :)
Week 32 brought Non-Stress Tests and biophysical profiles when he wouldn't pass his NSTs. Nate and I didn't like it when the words "pass or fail" were used and would speak acceptance and love over our son when the word fail was used. In our hearts, he is not a failure in any way. Sure, throughout his life, he will undoubtedly make mistakes, but our prayer is that those seeming failures will point him straight to God. Weeks 32-40 of pregnancy were more stressful than I enjoyed with the NST appointments and my blood pressure readings would indicate that :) So I got tested a couple times for pre-eclampsia. I was agitated and annoyed with so many different midwives and doctors meeting us each week. Looking at it just now, I have a thought, though. I crave stability. Often in ways that aren't that healthy. I couldn't get into the smaller practice I wanted to as they weren't accepting new patients. So we went with the larger practice. I kept telling God I trusted Him to have the EXACT midwife or doctor on duty for us and it was so. He is such a good God. Around this time, I started having nightmares, as if the enemy knew he couldn't gain ground in my head during the day, so he would prowl at night. Nate's mom encouraged me to ask for prayer and I did. The nightmares stopped. And I was still fine during the day, too :)
I can't tell you how many prayers were spoken for this little boy. Prayers of health and wholeness and acceptance and love. It was incredible. And it's incredible to see that fruit today. Our precious miracle.
My mom and sister planned to be here with us for two weeks and I prayed and prayed they wouldn't miss his birth. One advantage to a two-vessel cord baby is they don't like them to go past their due dates as there is an increased risk of still-birth. So our prayer mom and Gretchen could be here was answered, albeit in a bit of a strange way...
The induction was planned for August 18th at 8pm. Incidentally, this is the same night and time (Tuesdays at 8pm) that we have our women's Bible Study. We didn't get to pick our date and time, the hospital did. I prefer to know God did :) We had taken Bradley's classes and wanted to go the natural route. As the day grew nearer, though, I realized I needed to let all of that go and just trust God for His plan for our birth, not my own agenda. Looking back at it now, it was so incredible. I let go, He gave.
We arrived on Tuesday night for our induction. We had been told by multiple people that it could and might and would probably take up to FOUR DAYS for this process. FOUR DAYS?!?!? If you know me, the thought of sitting in the hospital for six days total seemed like the most painful process possible. We prayed and asked others to pray for us, too, that it would go quickly. We wanted a natural birth without drugs and hopefully without a c-section, but of course were open to whatever we needed to do to deliver our son.
We waited to get into our room and I shared that the verse that kept going through my head for the past couple weeks was 1 Chronicles 28:20 that says: "David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished." We read Scripture, prayed and waited together. We looked at this particular Scripture and I felt peace, and a bit of "what is this going to be like???" We finished paperwork, bloodwork, got hooked up to monitors, etc. just before 10pm and they administered the first of the drugs, which they said they'd try for 12 hours the first round and again if needed. If that didn't work, they would try another drug and another. The nurse offered me a sleeping pill so I could sleep and I kept telling her I could sleep anywhere, however, every time baby would move off the monitors, the nurse would come in to re-attach them. I discovered my "sleep anywhere" statement was probably a bit incorrect :). So I took the Ambien which was nice for about a minute, then the induction drug surprised us all and began working very, very well. I was groggy as could be, but contractions were coming one on top of the other, with no real break. Nate was able to get a 30 minute cat-nap in before things really picked up and life got crazy. For the remainder of the night, my contractions were really hitting hard, and on top of each other, and I remember bits and pieces of the night, but not much of it, as the sleeping pill had me groggy, but I felt everything. I remember talking about moving rooms, but don't remember moving - I had to ask Nate how I got there and he told me I walked. Ha. At some point during the early morning hours, they told me I would need an IV (which I did not want at all - I hate needles!) for hydration. Apparently, Benson was not thriving with all the tight contractions. We kept praying, Nate especially. I think that will always be one of my favorite memories of our birth. Being in pain, hearing my husband praying peace and strength over me. I tear up when I think about the man God has blessed me with for a husband. I don't take him for granted.
Sometime around 8:30am or so, I was dialated 8-9 centimeters and thought I had to push. I mean, really, really thought so. It was at this time, our wonderful midwife Claire switched off, so did our nurse, and a new team came on. Barb, our new midwife (who rocked!) and our new nursing team had to deal with a lot to get us through. Since the contractions were so close, Benson was not doing so well. I didn't have any time to rest and recover and neither did he. We heard the term "c-section" whispered more than once and we kept praying. I didn't know what to do with all the "you can't push even though you really want to" statements and so I breathed and yelled :) through the contractions. I even lost my voice a little. Barb and our nurse would just continually tell me to focus, not to push and to wait. At one point, Barb told me she wanted to give me a drug and gave us options, so we could slow the labor down a bit, so baby could recuperate between. All I needed to hear is that it was better for him and I was sold. We were about to accept some drugs when I raised my hand in the air, prayed, Nate was praying, too, and I asked Barb to check me one more time and she did - I was ready - I could push! And push I did. I didn't look at the time at all, but I pushed for 13 minutes total and out came baby. Barb kept telling me to slow down, but seriously, that was crazy :) There was no slowing this mama down!
More than once in the hospital, we were told that so many people thought we would end up in a c-section - the circumstances for a natural birth didn't fit. Two-vessel cord, first time mom, induction, etc. But I know our God is big and can do anything.
I can't tell you how many prayers were prayed and we have seen much fruit. So much fruit. Our little boy is so sweet, so calm, so peaceful and really, very, very perfect. A son of our King. A boy wonderfully made in His image. We love him so much already. And I am feeling great - I mean really great. Better than I could ever expect to. Oh, the strength Nate prayed was answered!
Wow, this is a super long post. I just don't want to forget one bit of it. I'm not even sure I'll post it. I might just save it in drafts. Oh, but I love a good God story, don't you?
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