Taking each step unto the One who created them...

I will tell you of a pretty cool journey we've been on in this home of ours...

I'm used to facing some judgement, some comments and "advice" due to the profession or calling I've chosen to pursue, or rather that has pursued me :)  At times, it has felt like a lonely place, like no one "gets it".  But I know people do, and I know God does.  God has been SO FAITHFUL to us over the years - first me as a single gal and now to us as a couple.  For a number of months, we have known we can't "make it" on what Nate makes and knowing some supporters have backed out of giving to my support (which is fine, God is our provider) made this realization well, a little more real.  Before the story below occurred, we both felt prompted that I should continue working (probably fewer hours) after our second child is born. I know, more comments and advice and judgement.  I can't help what God is asking me to do - I'm just going to OBEY.

Nate went to his employer (a ministry - non-profit) a number of weeks ago to ask for a raise and was told that everyone needs to sacrifice to work there.  That statement made me angry and made me laugh (after I got over the anger).  For anyone who knows us, sacrifice isn't something we are afraid of.  But there's a difference between sacrifice and being able to make it.   One question I had, though, was can we make it on less?  Maybe we can.  I am often convicted about what we "make it on" and what most of the world survives on.  By the world's standards, though we are not rich in America's standards, we are RICH.  Very, very, ridiculously rich. Maybe this is less about God giving us what we think we need to survive and more about us learning His sufficiency even more.  Seems crazy to me, since I think that's how I've been living for 5.5 years... But I do think we all have more to learn in this area. 

Since that time, we have had many people tell us (out of love) that we should move on, Nate should find a different job, even something he doesn't like doing, so he can provide better for our family. (and I've had those same thoughts) Do we have peace about this idea?  No, not at all.  We keep sensing God telling us to trust Him and to be faithful, even when it's hard.  To trust Him to provide for us (does this mean we will make an idol out of our callings?  I hope not!).  Does this mean it will be a tough road ahead?  Probably.  We squeak by as it is and to think about adding one more child to the mix makes that seem more daunting.  But I'm sure hopeful I'll learn even more in this season.  The reality is, God hasn't shown us a different path, a different way, so all we can assume is that THIS IS IT.  This is where we need to be.

Nate traveled a couple of weeks ago and it was one of the worst trips for me yet.  You'd think after 2.5 years of this, I'd be a pro at seeing him go but I'm not.  After struggling with fear, MANY tears, and wondering what in the world had gotten into me, I was able to let go of any bitterness and anger at those who think we need to sacrifice more, to just deal with it, etc.  I realized I could not joyfully release Nate because I was mad at people he works with. But really, I think I was mad at God. I have to whisper that, because you CAN'T BE MAD AT GOD!!!  Just kidding.  You can be, but I think it's a pretty futile task.  Don't you?  I was mad that sending your husband away 15% of the year isn't sacrifice enough, that not being able to do anything fun isn't sacrifice enough, and on and on I whined... Oh, man.  It was UGLY.

I am reminded of something I prayed for YEARS and stopped - perhaps I should start again - that God would make me sweet for Him.  Sweet to His plans, His ways, to be a blessing to Him and His people, even when I don't want to be.  I was reminded of that again last week, how I want to be sweet (not fake, but just a pleasure for Him).

I have heard many times from many places that "if God's in it, there will be more than enough money".  I don't know about that.  I think if God's in it, there will be peace and joy REGARDLES OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES.  I would hope if we ever do make more than enough, we will spend our lives giving that away, not living on much more than we make now, because really, we want our lives (and feel called) to be ones of giving and loving, not of having.  I am not opposed to people having things - nice things, many things. I believe we are all called to different things and to different spheres of influence. 

God has blessed Nate and I to be able to work in jobs we love, are passionate about (not a word used lightly here), for less than we could be making, but with what we believe is an eternal blessing (not because our salvation is works based, though!), and we hope our ministries are richer because of the gifts and talents God's given us to share.  We believe God has called us to these roles and walking away right now would be weakness. I believe He's looking for, searching for, and hopefully will find in us, is people who are faithful and not weak, but very strong in Him.

Does this mean we'll be where we are forever?  I don't know.  God does, though, and I can REST in that fact. I can rest knowing He holds the plan and hope for our future.  If He calls us to stay, I pray we're faithful. If He calls us on, I hope we're faithful.  It's exciting, isn't it? Living unto Him who makes it all worth it. 

Our lives aren't full of ease and glamour and fun, but they are filled with faith and blessings - will I be upset if God gives us more? Probably not.  Will I be upset if He doesn't?  I sure hope not.  Character, God. I want you to find that in us.

Can you please pray for us?  Pray that God would make our path very clear - whatever that is - and that we would have the strength to carry on, even when it's tough?  Right now, we are sensing very clearly to stay the course, to obey the last call, but with open arms to anything else He may call us to.  You just never know.  He has all sorts of fun in store, doesn't He?

Hopefully taking each step unto the One who created our steps... 

Jenny (for the fam)